I’m ten months into learning how to be a stepfather to twin 8 year old boys- one of whom is diagnosed with Autism and apraxia. Together they bring bring all the joys and challenges that come with parenting any child. But when special needs are in the mix there’s a completely different dynamic at play.
In short, my stepson with Autism and apraxia processes the senses differently than I do. Further, he requires an assistive device to communicate, as he cannot form consonant or vowel sounds in the way most people do. This requires an added dose of love and patience. And I can tell you it’s a lot easier to offer than one might think. By the way, we often call him J Bird, in addition to his real name.
No doubt I will have plenty to write about over the years. But here are just a few of the things I’ve learned in the past few months.
- Affirmation of love and safety comes before any form of correction.
- All that push back over the word “retard” is for a reason. Outside a musical composition it’s never used in a positive manner. I’ve dropped it from my vocabulary.
- Bursts of anger or frustration are more about wanting to be understood than “there’s something wrong with that child.”
- A child with Autism, particularly one with a twin brother, is just as protective of his sibling as any other would be- and he has his way of letting you no….”that’s my brother your scolding!”
- “Naked as a J Bird” moments may happen at anytime. We’re working on this one.
- If J Bird is outside and it’s in his hand there’s a high probability it will end up in the pool. I’ve seen it all: hot dogs, bicycle locks, rocks, bowls of pretzels, the popsicle he just asked me for, his cup of juice that’s now adding a nice color to the water, and, if you’re lucky, you’ll suddenly see his swimsuit at the bottom (see previous bullet point).
- Moments of affection from J Bird without prompting are golden.
- I’ve learned to ignore the stares from others who just don’t understand.
- Use handicap parking when necessary without apology. The same holds true for the disability pass at Six Flags Over Texas. A forthcoming post on this issue is in the works.
- When J Bird invites you to join him on the trampoline you gladly accept. It’s one of his favorite things to do.
Like I said, I’m only 10 months into this. I’ve learned to expect. . .well, the unexpected. There’s more to come for sure. My hope in writing about this journey is to bring awareness, neutralize the judgments, and deepen the compassion toward a growing segment of the population that is . . .well, a unique piece of the puzzle that makes up all of us. So, if you’re still reading I hope you’ll return for more.